15 Ways To Celebrate The Force Awakens (If It Actually Ends Up Being Good)

We are so darned close now. My stomach is knotted with excitement. I’ve been saying “May The Force Be With You” to be people all week. And when someone’s told me they don’t like Star Wars I’ve force choked them and boomed out ‘I find your lack of faith disturbing.”

All thatos left is The Force Awakens the movie itself.

Now guys. What if The Force Awakens actually is amazing? We’re going to need to celebrate? How?

Here are 6 Genius ways to celebrate IF The Force Awakens actually ends up being good.

 

1. Grab Yourself An Ewok And Dance with it

Who doesn’t love Ewoks?  They’re your loveable furry friends who love to stab stormtroppers with pointy sticks. And they’re damn good dancers too. So do yourself a favor. Grab an Ewok, keep it as a pet until Thursday, and then if The Force Awakens ends up being great ance with that furry son bitch like you’ve never danced before.

2. Ride a giant elephant through Naboo, hand someeone a glowing orb, and yell “Peace!”

This classic celebration comes courtesy of the ending to The Phantom Menace, the worst of all Star Wars movies. Sure it was a terrible flick, but the party at the end? That’s celebrating with style.

3. Have yourself a cup of Jawa Juice at Dex’s Diner

Obviously you are going to want a drink to celebrate The Force Awakens.  What more fitting beverage then a cup of Jawa Juice at Dex’s Diner?

4.  Enjoy some repetitive Jazz Fusion at Mos Eisley Cantina

The Mos Eisley Cantina Band are famous for playing one song over and over again ad infinitum. So chances are good that come Thursday they will still be playing the Cantina Theme from A New Hope. Grab yourself a drink, enjoy the jazz, but try be careful,  you will never find a more wretched hive of scum and villainy.

5. Blow up your Jar Jar Binks action figures

There’s a good chance you never actually purchased a Jar Jar Binks action figure. Big mistake. Come Thursday you are going to want to take a Jar Jar Binks action figure into your garden, attach some plastique explosive to it, and watch that son bitch blow sky high. ‘Yousa thinking yousa people gonna die?”

6. Eat some weird tadpole-like creatures while watching alien chicks dance

Do it Jabba style. Hire yourself some gorgeous alien dancers, order in some tadpole-like cuisine, invite a few bounty hunter. BAM! God yourself a damn good party.

 

7. Head over to Disney World and dance with the Dark Lord Of The Sith

This video pretty much says it all.

Paul Harrison

Paul M Harrison is an entertainment journalist, novelist, and blogger, and a specialist in the theory of storytelling. Paul Harrison can be contacted via his personal website or on Twitter or Facebook.

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